Heart-warmed

Awhile back I was cleaning out my email and I stumbled upon a law school letter of rec from the director of a pro bono law firm I volunteered for back in 2009. Hidden away among thousands of pointless emails from the past three years was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me. It really warmed my heart to read the things she wrote, yet at the same time making me sad that my plan so drastically changed. Would she be disappointed? If I ran into her would she even remember me? Someone who had such great faith that I could move into law and make an impact has no idea that I am not practicing anymore. I can promise you this. I truly have no desire to go back to law school. I was just promoted within an awesome company, I love the freedom of my weekends and want to spend every extra dime I earn on traveling the world.  Nevertheless, there are things I genuinely miss about working in the legal field. I just wonder if I can fill this void without going 150k into debt and spending three years of my life in a library.

Simultaneously maintaining compassion and objectivity is a skill that many have a hard time mastering and often times it cannot be taught. I spent two years talking to people — talking and listening to some of the saddest family, criminal and domestic violence stories I’ve ever heard. At times things were disturbing, other times unnerving, but I always left feeling that I had touched someones’ life in ways other professions cannot. I have always been fascinated by people the places and circumstances that make them tick. I am an emotionally driven person who still sees things for exactly how they are. This was the main point in the letter of recommendation, that people open up to me. People instill trust because they never feel like their feelings will be belittled, at the same time knowing they are getting real and actionable advice.

Maybe it’s 12 years of mandatory community service at Catholic school, or maybe it’s that I come from an incredibly generous family. Maybe it’s that I spent years working towards a career that would be dedicated to public service. Whatever it is, I feel like something is missing. I rarely feel an emptiness in my life, but as of late I have this insatiable desire to contribute to something that really matters. I am so blessed in every aspect of my life. If I think about it too hard I actually get emotional thinking that any one person could be given so much. And then I drive through the Tenderloin on my morning commute and see people who are barely hanging on. Some have certainly made choices that put them there, but others very likely ended up on the street as a result of circumstances well beyond control. So may it be that I see such heartbreaking pictures everyday or that my career path has moved away from public service. Whatever it is, it makes me think I can do more.

 

2 comments

  1. I just knew your latest post (blog) would be special, just as you are so special. Truly more thought and brain power than someone three-times your age. Congratulations as we watch you climb the ladder!

    Love you

  2. Beautiful !! You contribute to every one that meets you,rich, poor and the in between, don’t ever change just keep growing. Love Sir

    Sent from my iPad

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