I have been thinking a lot about relationships. Not romantic relationships or even friendships, rather lately my mind has been stuck on the relationship we have with ourselves. It’s funny to watch yourself grow and mature out of the plans you initially wanted for yourself. I am someone who has always prided myself on knowing exactly who I am. And while I still feel I know myself pretty darn well, I must admit I am far from where I started.
In recent months three of my friends from Delta Zeta have gotten married–all under the age of 25. Additionally, many others are getting engaged. It’s all very wonderful and not surprising because after 5+ years of dating, I’d expect a ring too. Over coffee last week, Lindsey and I were talking about all the people we know getting married. One thing led to another and we started reminiscing about our plans upon entering college. With relatively no career ambition, all I wanted to be was a “young mom” popping out child number two by age 23. Terrifying. (Now, if I had met Mr. Right at age 19 I’d likely be tapping my foot waiting for my ring with babies on the mind; but that would make this post less exciting, thus it’s parenthesized.)
I am happy to report that these days I want more for myself. So much so that I am afraid my parents won’t be grandparents for at least another…few years. Sorry guys. Don’t get me wrong, I still would like to pop out a basketball team of kids while wearing my “Domestic Diva” apron, but I am more realistic on how I am going to….um pay for their college tuition. And there is so much I want to accomplish personally and professionally before that happens. So much that little 18-year-old Kendall couldn’t have dreamt for herself.
If wanting to be a “young, stay-at-home mom” doesn’t epitomize idealism, I don’t know what does. Maybe the real world and unemployment was hardened me or maybe you simply become more realistic as you get older. Somewhere between graduating college and sitting on my bed on this Sunday night, I realize life isn’t all sugar-coated dreams and happy endings. There are dead ends and lots of shitty, just plain hard situations. Sometimes the dreams (I’m referring to the dream job not the young mom dream) you set out to accomplish stall. You have to work with “life” by giving a little and taking a little. I look at life the same way I do people. The heart of life, the root of it, is good. It just might take a little longer than expected. In the end, things will work out even if they don’t at all resemble what you saw for yourself at 18.
I’d apologize for the lengthy post, but I’m just not sorry. 😉
