So just like that, we are married.
Surreal, bittersweet, relaxed, anxious, amazed, relieved, sad and incandescently happy – these are the feelings I’m feeling right now. It’s a whirlwind of emotion that’s settling around me as we turn our attention back to real life post honeymoon.
The past year, and really three years, have been leading up to exactly where we are today. A combination of every emotion I’ve felt in the last 36 months has bubbled up like a force to be reckoned with, or at least written about.
I’ve written about my game-changer, about developing a sense of “we” when I was so comfortable being “me”, about the “what’s next syndrome” and about putting down roots. I suppose the logical next step is writing about getting married.
Getting engaged was magical, and unlike anything I will ever experience. Here is this guy, who I love more than anything, kneeling (in the mud) in front of me asking me to spend my life with him. I won’t say it’s better than the actual wedding day but it’s definitely on par, because everything that follows is a never-ending celebration with your favorite people in the world. Now that it’s over, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around how fast it all went by.
My time as a fiancé is book-ended by my past on one end and my future on the other. Our engagement will be so short in comparison. Yet I know many years down the road when I look back on my life, 2015 will still be one of my favorite years.
The year was one of celebration. As parties, showers and bachelorette bashes were thrown in my honor, the true glory of being engaged came to fruition. This time is special for many reasons but feeling the love, generosity and support of my family and friends was definitely the best. To share in your happiness with the people who got you there, well it’s so much more than I can put into words. The autumn ushered in not only these pre-wedding celebrations, but also the holidays and the final stretch of wedding planning. Towards the end, every ounce of energy was put into the details of our big day – writing portions of the ceremony, glittering corks, creating and printing all of our paper goods, picking songs with such pointed precision. It was enjoyable but exhausting. I felt like the to do list never ended, and then when it did we felt like there was still more to be done.
And now it is done. All of it. Even the wedding day itself. And I’m kind of sad. Not about the insane amount of decisions to be made but the process itself.
I’ve often heard newly married women say things like “it’s so nice to just be married” or “I can’t wait to just be a wife”. Whatever the hell that means. Sure the former resonates, but for me there is a bittersweet sense of ending now that this huge event, that took so much energy, love and teamwork, is over. Those last few months required more than my daily phone call to my mother as we talked through every detail. My sister and Maid of Honor/Savior spent many weeknights inhabiting our sofa as we worked late into the night on playlists, seating charts and the surprisingly difficult hair and makeup schedule. And now all that is over, and I miss them. Is it possible to miss someone you still talk to everyday? If it is possible to grow closer than we already were, we did just that. It’s hard not to be nostalgic.
So as my Mom and I turn our daily conversations back to real life, and the occasional trip down wedding memory lane, I’m so appreciative for my parents – who once again proved they are the most generous and supportive people – and my extended family and friends who walked beside me through the whole process.
Coming out fresh on the other side, I have two big pieces of advice for those getting married. First and most importantly: truly enjoy the engagement. I’m not big on being the center of attention so things like opening presents at a bridal shower were a bit awkward for me. However, I must admit it’s hard not to enjoy it when you look out on the room and realize how much love surrounds you. Second: immerse yourself in the details – if that’s your thing – and make sure every decision you make reflects the two of you. Because when things go wrong – like your DJ forgetting to kickoff the countdown to midnight – it won’t sting so bad in hindsight. The really special touches like unique songs or handwritten letters, the touches where you spent the extra time, that is what people will remember.
*Picture captured by my bridesmaid, Lynsey Rose