I am always interested when public figures talk about feeling better in their 30’s (even 40’s) than they did in their 20’s. Now the least insightful people could figure out why these women feel this way. Your twenties are full of uncertainty, change and direction only by trial and error. Your 30’s are about finding the balance and the confidence that comes with knowing you made the right decision. Or so I hear. However, even though I am aware of it, doesn’t mean I am exempt. I too have asked the question, “what am I doing with my life” in a post-tequila induced guilt. And I have also settled on a decision in complete confidence only to think, “shit, what have I gotten myself into” just a few months later. The shoulda, coulda and wouldas of life.
To put it simply, I am not okay with waiting until my thirties or heaven forbid forties to find the balance. I don’t even like that at age 23 I spent nine months thinking the “shouldas.” And to be completely honest the “shouldas” are a relatively new concept to me. It wasn’t until a rejection letter from SCU Law that I started questioning my decisions.
In my happy bubble of Irish-Catholic suburban life, your first real, life changing decision comes in the 8th grade. Where to go to high school? Really though, everything before that is decided for you. So this is the first decision that is really given to you, unless you had overbearing parents who forced you to attend Presentation because St. Francis was “too far away.” I digress. St. Francis, quitting cross country, UW, sorority, Spain, leaving Seattle, pursing law, etc. Not one of these decisions was followed by a feeling of regret. Like I said, the questioning did not begin until that fateful skinny envelope. And since then I have felt a constant whirlwind of confusion. Unemployment has proven to shed a wee bit of clarity on my life and where I really want to go. So here is to putting an end to the “shouldas” and getting back to a place of certainty, sooner rather than later. Hopefully.
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